You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
