you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
