Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
