Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
