Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
