College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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