Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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