He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
