Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
