Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
