The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
