Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
