You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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