I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
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So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
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I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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