when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
