so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
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No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
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It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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