i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
