I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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