it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
