awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have already put on my inside pants.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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