my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
