youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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