I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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