I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
