So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize