we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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