I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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