someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
