is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
