Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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