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I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
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