my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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