I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
