would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
