im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
