Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
