There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
