Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
