But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
