ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
