just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
