i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
