Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
