I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
