i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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