he wants to bone in the snuggie
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
