thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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