I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Houston, we have a blender
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
