I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
