I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
