Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
