well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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