Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Text me some of your sweat
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