i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
