Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
