We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
