A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
