Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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