yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
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Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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