Tell her she can't have a vagina
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
