So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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