my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
