Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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