Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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