I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
