Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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