Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No I am not eating basil off your cock
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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