She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
