Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
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I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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