The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
